I’m Back..

Hello World,

It’s been quite sometime since you last heard from me, it’s actually almost been one whole year. Where does time go? I stopped blogging my journey because I thought, if I stopped, I could simply forget the cancer days. I just wanted to move on. That is so much easier said then done.

October may be just another month to you, but to me its filled with a lot of pain. Not only is it Breast Cancer Awareness month, it’s also the month I was diagnosed almost 2 years ago. Yes, that’s right, this month is 2 years since I found out the worst news of my life, “You Have Cancer”. I still think of that day often, and to be honest, it still hurts. It hurts really bad. Knowing what I had to go through and what I continue to go through is hard. I live in a constant fear that it may return. It causes so much anxiety. The return of cancer scares the hell out of me.

So what have I been up to since you last heard from me since the end of 2016? Well for one, I returned to work in January, and since then I have been full time, and even got a promotion in April. I also got married to the man of my dreams at the end of June, and went on an awesome honey moon to Puerto Rico. Now currently, I am taking a class to get my CPC certification with the hopes of one day working from home. I am setting goals, and finally able to reach them. So many great things have happened in 2017.

I am so thankful to get this far, and to be in remission. But to be honest, being in remission is not easy. To me, being in remission is almost harder then actually having cancer. People expect you to just move on and it’s just not that easy. I live in a constant fear that the cancer may return. Being young when I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer, increases my chances even more of it returning. I have learned that it’s okay to be scared, and it’s okay to have fears. But how do I deal with these fears? I simply put my trust in God. I can’t predict what my future holds, only God can. I can only trust that he will heal me and whatever I may go through, I will overcome.

The past month, I have been going back and forth on this decision of changing my oncologist. For one, I didn’t feel like I was a patient to her, I felt more like a number. And another concern was the distance. I didn’t like traveling an hour away, it’s such a hassle. So I decided to transfer to the Loyola near me, which is  only 10 minutes from my work. I get to meet my new oncologist this month. I am anxious, but excited to get a second opinion on my treatment plan. I will try to keep updating the blog more for those who read it!

Until then Love one another, help those to rise to higher levels.

With Love,

Heather

Surgery

As many of you know, I had surgery on 11/22/16 for my breast reconstruction. This was something I really wanted since I was originally diagnosed, but I have to admit, it has been so hard the past two weeks. I don’t know what I actually expected, but it was not this. I arrived at the hospital at 5:30AM. I was filled with nerves, but there was no turning back. I sat in pre-op, and decided no for the nerve block. By the time surgery actually started I think it was 8-9:00AM (it took forever), 7.5 hours later, I woke up and everything hurt. I was given morphine to control the pain, but my body/face was so badly swollen. I became really nauseous from  the anastasia so I kept vomiting. The first night was rough. The next day was better. I was determined to get home before Thanksgiving, so I did whatever it took. Literally. I forced myself to walk around, and to do things on my own. I wouldn’t even push my button for medicine. LOL I was desperate, I hate the hospital. Because I was doing so well, I was released the next day! I was actually shocked, because most people that have the surgery I did, spend at least 3 nights.

Being at home felt so much better, but the pain was awful. I was given Norco, so I had to take them every 3-4 hours. I took my bandage off 2 days after surgery and it was a scary site. I had 4 drains, 2 on each side. Luckily, I had one drain removed a week after surgery. I am now able to shower, and do things by myself. I still can’t lift my arms, and my back in very swollen. If I knew the surgery would be like this, I don’t think I would have done it. I get so bitter sometimes thinking about how much time I have wasted away from my family just so I could get better. But I’m also so thankful for being here. I know things will get better. I have an appointment in a few days, Im hoping all my drains will be removed.

 

Hair Growth

Hi guys!

 

It’s been a while since I have updated you all. I’ve been so busy with work lately I haven’t had time to fill you in. My hair has been growing like crazy! Looking back at pictures to where I am now makes me so happy. I found this quote and it really fits into my life the past year. ” Everything heals. Your body heals. Your heart heals. The mind heals. Wounds heal. The body repairs itself. Your happiness is always going to come back. Bad times don’t last”. I remember losing my hair was devastating, and at that time, I couldn’t imagine getting to where I am now. I never imagined things would get better but they did.

Its been almost 7 months since my last chemo! Where does time go?

My hair is so wavy/curly!! I can’t really style it yet, but I love it<3 I just started using Curly Wurly by Lush (shampoo) and I’m obsessed!!

Some more good news, while I was doing chemo, I had a horrible rash, literally ALL OVER! and now my face/back is finally clearing up, so I’m excited.

I’ve also lost all my chemo weight!! almost 30 pounds gone, I still can’t believe steroids can do that to you, but I’m thankful the weight is gone= ]

Surgery Set!

This officially will be my last blog post being published to Facebook.  I’ve shared my journey for those who were interested but I’m ready to move on and want things to be more private. So going forward, only updates will be made  on the blog page.

My first appointment was with the plastic surgeon Dr.Vandervender. The last time I met him back in March, I have to admit, I was so disappointed. He just wasn’t someone I instantly connected with. His personality seemed BLAH, but today was different! He came in with all smiles, and said how great I looked. (which I was surprised he remembered me). He also noticed my weight loss, so that was nice! I liked him better today. We discussed what kind of surgery I would be having, and even got it scheduled. I was completely shocked that it’s so soon, since I was told it probably wouldn’t be until 2017! !  I could have done it in October, but I am not allowed to travel on an airplane and I have to go to my moms wedding in November so that date did not work.

With that being said, I have everything scheduled for November 22nd. I have to be there at 5:30AM and surgery time is about 6 hours. I will be having skin from my back removed, (known as Latissimus Dorsi Flap) and I’ll be having expanders in to get me to the desired size I want. I haven’t completely decided on the size, but i’m thinking a full C. Once I reach my desired size, I will have my last surgery which will just be removing of expanders to place the implant. I’m nervous but this is officially the last BIG thing to happen. All this is finally ending, and I’m ready to move on= ] Before surgery I will have to go in for blood test, and my evaluation. I didn’t really discuss recovery time, but from what he said last time was around 12 weeks. I’m hoping to only take a couple weeks off and go back to work once my drains are removed. For the mastectomy I had about 4 drains, this time I’ll have more= / (not looking forward to those) but it’ll be worth it.

My last appointment today was meeting with my therapist Dr.Hunter. I haven’t seen her for 3.5 months but I had to see her today since Friday is her last day at Loyola. I’m sad that I’ll never see her again, since she was such a big part of my life this past year! But she was offered a AMAZING job, and I couldn’t  be anymore happier for her. She has gotten me through some of the worst days, and always made me laugh! I’ll miss her so much.

 

 

❤

 

Follow up

 

This morning I had a couple appointments for follow up. I first met with Dr.Lo who is my oncologist. I haven’t seen her for 8 weeks, so we had a lot of catching up to do. We discussed what the best survival rates would be, which mean I need to stay on a daily pill, and monthly injection for 10 years. I brought up my concerns about the monthly injection and asked if there was anything else I can do. The injection causes shortness of breath, and heaviness the day after I get it every single time! Dr.Lo said thats something I will need to deal with, and advised the pain can be caused from surgery/radiation. This was my first injection I had without my port so I want to see if that plays any role in it. I also brought up having more kids in my future. I have done a ton of research and a lot of people who try to conceive stop there medication, and once they have a baby, they get back on. Although Dr. Lo wants me on it for 10 years, she didn’t turn my idea away, so that kind of made me happy. Dr.Lo ordered a bone density test, and blood work for my vitamin D, she said the chemo can cause changes, and wants to make sure everything is okay. The best news from Dr.Lo was I can finally STOP taking my daily shots of lovenox (blood thinners). I have been on blood thinners since 2/16/16 and I’m so glad not to poke myself in the belly anymore. I have bruises all over! I asked Dr. Lo if I will be getting any scans to see if the cancer comes back, and she said no. I was actually surprised and it scared me a little bit. But she explained they don’t do scans because studies show scans vs finding it yourself is the same. Dr.Lo reminds me to check myself, which I already do. I would say I’m a pro at that now. I won’t see Dr.Lo until end of November! Its crazy, but its a good thing!

I then met with Dr.Vaince (my breast surgeon). She examined me and said everything is looking great. She is happy with my progress. She is referring me to see the plastic surgeon, I haven’t got my schedule but I should be seeing him with in a week or two. The next time I see Dr.Vaince won’t be until February 2017!!!! Which is also good news, but I’ll still miss her, she is too sweet!

 

Radiation 28-34, Remission

It felt like a life time to reach this week, but it’s finally here, and I couldn’t be anymore excited! This week was exhausting and so emotional! The past week I have been doing my booster rounds which focus on the scar area. My armpit and chest are so burnt. I was actually a little worried to do treatment this week because my skin is so raw and irritated.

This morning I went to Burr Ridge to have my MRI, to see if the blood clot is gone, or smaller so I can get my port removed. I still don’t know the results yet, I tried calling this afternoon but they said results may take up to 72 hours. So crossing my fingers I get positive results.

Today was my last cancer treatment ever!! I got to the Proton Center at 1PM for my last radiation, which took about 20 minutes, after I was supposed to meet the nurses for my discharge but instead I took part in the graduation ceremony! Since I have started radiation, every Wednesday, they have graduation for people who complete radiation, I always wanted to do it, I just wasn’t sure if I would have time due to my treatment hour. But the nurses made it work, and it was so worth it! I graduated with 4 others by my side, and hearing there stories made me so emotional. I feel like anyone who has cancer, I just have this instant connection with, you don’t have to really explain to them, they just know  what you’ve been through. The receptionist gave a speech about bravery, and presented us with a coin and diploma! That feeling was the best feeling, I can’t really put into words! They gave us a chance to speak, and of course I was a mess! I’m never good at those! After that I met with the nurse who went over my discharge. I still have to use my lotion everyday for a while. She said my skin will remain burnt for a while. I then met with Dr. Welsh, he said everything was going great. He said this week my skin may get worse, but he said it usually takes a week for proton therapy to get out of my system. He was really happy that I was done= ] I have to meet with him in 4 weeks for a skin follow up.

Besides waiting for the results from the MRI, I still have to get the port removed, which is scheduled August 4th. Then the rest should be follow up appointments (usually every 8 weeks). I will still go in monthly for my injections, and take my pill every day for the next 10 years! My reconstruction probably won’t be until December or January. I am hoping to stay in remission forever. Thank you all for your support!

Radiation 23-28

Today I completed 29 rounds of radiation, I only have 5 more left!! I can’t even believe I’m this far in my treatment process and today I started the Booster rounds which only focus on the scar spot.

I met Dr. Welsh last Wednesday, who was still really happy with my progress. He recommended I start using Aquaphor because my skin is so red. I am officially burnt!! Yesterday was the first time I experienced some “stinging” pain. My neck was on fire all night, and it hurts to swallow. I’m so glad yesterday was my last treatment that targets my neck/arm pit. Today I had my first booster round which just focuses on where the tumor was located. So it won’t be as large of a spot being radiated. I also started getting “freckled” skin which freaked me out, because a patient told me some crazy story, but Dr. Welsh said that was perfectly normal! So that was good news.

The past week one of my nurses told me I would complete treatment on the 13th, but I was told the 12th perviously from my doctor so I was a little upset. (its only a day,but still) So she emailed my doctor to make sure it wasn’t put in the system in error, and he never responded. After waiting a whole week, I finally met with him today and he told me he changed it to 34 treatments instead. His reasoning was, he has gone over my case with multiple doctors and they voted based on my age I would benefit from one more round. I was a little bummed, but I just have to keep thinking they want the best for me. So my last day will be next Wednesday!

My first booster round was today, so I was in a completely different room. The machines looked a lot different from what I’m used to, and was a little noisy but it was a little faster then the other room I was in, so that was nice. I’m hoping the rest of the week I’m in and out!

 

 

 

Follow up setback

I had my appointment today with my chemo oncologist Dr.Lo who I haven’t seen since April! I was so excited to see her! All the nurses loved my new look, and Dr.Lo was impressed with my weight loss and hair growth! So that was a good feeling. Other than that I was a little disappointed in my appointment.

Anyone who knows me, knows I always have a plan for the future, and I like when things are set and stone. But again, when you have cancer nothing ever goes by plan, and things change all the time, it gets frustrating. I was told when I first was diagnosed that I probably wouldn’t be able to have children, but after my surgery, and chemo my period came back, and now there was some hope. Then I was told  if I considered to have children we have to wait until I’m 30 years old since I am on 2 medicines that make me go into menopause due to my estrogen levels. So after hearing that previously I was hopeful, now today I was told it would be best if I am on these medicines for 10 years. That will make me 35 years old!! Dr.Lo said I should consider to remove my overies. This just made my heart sink. I know she wants what is best for me, but ultimately it will be my decision, and it’s something I really have to consider. I am lucky enough to already have Reichen, so I will leave the rest up to God.

Then as you all know since February, Ive had a blood clot in my right atrium heart chamber. I have been taking my shots for thinning my blood daily, and Dr. Lo told me once my port is removed, I will be able to stop taking the shots. Well I had to meet with Dr.Vaince (breast surgeon) to discuss the removal, and now I am freaked out! Dr. Vaince said due to where the blood clot is located there are risks that can happen with removing my port. The worst case would be the blood clot travels to my lung and can lead to sudden death. Hearing that just made me never want to have it removed. BUT she has to tell me the worst possible, so hopefully the procedure goes smooth. It will be scheduled for August 4th. Before I have the procedure I am going to have a Heart MRI and additional blood work to determine if it is safe at this time to have it removed. So I’m lucky I am in amazing hands.

This is a port (where they give me chemo through)

Last thing, I asked Dr. Vaince about meeting the plastic surgeon again, and she said I probably won’t see him until October, and surgery probably won’t be until December/January for reconstruction. She said she wants my skin to heal completely from radiation. I was a little disappointed because I thought it would be way sooner, but this gives me more time to get my life back on track, and focus on my family and future!

Even though today didn’t go as I thought it would, thinking about how far I’ve come makes me so thankful. This is the happiest I’ve been in a long time, and I know it will only get better. Sometimes it takes some really really bad things to happen  to realize how precious life is. I’ve always believed in God but now my faith is so much stronger. For therapy, I have been painting a lot, and I love to do the creative drawings to calm my nerves, so I bought this Creative Bible and I’m obsessed. It’s beautiful and my goal is to read the entire Bible.

 

I’ll update you all by Friday with my Radiation treatment-I’m so close to the finish line!!!

 

Radiation 17-22

This past week went by pretty fast! My appointment time was moved to 12:20PM which was awesome. I was able to work 7-11AM, then straight to radiation, and usually get home around 2ish. I asked if my time would remain like this for the rest of my treatments, but she wasn’t sure, she said it all depends on how many children they have in the morning. But I got my appointment card for the next week and it is at noon again, so I am beyond happy!

On Tuesday I had my last CT scan for planning. They take pictures and make a plan for my booster round of treatment which won’t happen until the last week. They told me the booster rounds only focus on the scar area.

Wednesday I had my CT planning review with the specialist. It was pretty neat to see my body on a screen and how they go about planning my treatments. They gave me a little more history about Proton Therapy and showed me what tissues were getting hit. I also met my Radiation Oncologist Dr.Welsh who was really happy with my progress. Dr.Welsh said based on how my skin looks at this point, and how well I’m doing he considers me an above average patient. So that was nice to hear!

This week I am a lot more red, and defiantly more tired. I have been eating healthy/organic for the most part, which has been helping with my energy. An organization that helps me, Angels on Assignment gave me a homemade cream made from a breast cancer survivor who created it when she was going through radiation treatments. For her, she never cracked, or had that horrible burn. I started using it Monday, and I LOVE it. Its all organic and smells really good! I’m hoping it’ll work for me until I’m done! I have 11 treatments left, so I should be done by 07/12/16. I can not wait!!!

I’m meeting with my chemo oncologist tomorrow, and I’m kind of excited to see her because it’s been so long! The last time I saw her was around April, and this has been the longest i’ve gone without seeing her! I’m hoping for good news since I am HER2-, but we will see. I will update tomorrow about that appointment!

Radiation 11-16

This week I have completed 16/33 treatments!! I can’t even believe how fast time is going. Although the drive is awful, I still love where I’m going, and I’m so thankful for all the amazing nurses and Doctors I have met at the proton center! This week they changed my time to 3:20PM which has worked out perfect because I avoid all the traffic!

This week I caught some bug, so that was pretty rough. I haven’t been able to sleep at all! My doctor was out of town this week, so I met another Doctor who told me I shouldn’t be nauseous from radiation, so he will keep an eye on things this week! I’m hoping I feel better by tomorrow. Other than that, I have been feeling a little more tired, but I’m almost to the half way point! Skin is a little red, and is feeling more tight. I’ve been trying to do more stretches so that has helped! Good news, I’m starting to lose some of the chemo weight! I’m still nowhere close to where I need to be but I’m happy where I am now!

 

Waiting for radiation

Snapchat helps!

ALSOOOO MY HAIR IS GROWING LIKE CRAZY!!! I’ll do a new post on it soon!